do you know

I really used to think that when tv shows said to be continued, the actors would stop then too and resume shooting the scene in the same outfits the next week.

I mean when I was little.

And I live in the same complex as people with 2 haunted cars. One is a red jeep wrangler that is always running with no one in it. Like at weird times. Like 4am when I just walked past it. And the other is a silver kia I have NEVER seen in a different parking spot. And one time it had a dead pidgeon on the trunk. And another time the trunk was just open for like 20 minutes while I was high talking on the phone.

Ya das fine.

do you want to drive to the ocean today?

Sure, okay.

Friday NM, SP, and I got into my car, ran various errands, smoked a lot, played hours of music, and drove 700 miles to virginia beach. We arrived at 4:30am and went straight to the beach. Touched the ocean. Drank a few beers, somve voddy drinks, and NM and I were handed a 'wutang' tab to split. We rolled, drew pictures, danced, and drank and went to bed at 8 am amd woke up at 1pm or so and SP made breakfast. NM and I took them too the beach and stood on a sandbar in the ocean and ate bacon and eggs with a beer.
The boys were struggling trying to find weed so we played a card game, watched the boys play horseshoes, and drank more for a little and we decided we wanted to go to the boulavard to do some shopping. We hit the thrift stores and the grocery store. After JK bbm-ed me a picture of what the streets looked like in West Bloomfield back in MI, NM and I found ugly ass sweaters to wear to the bar that night since we sure as hell were going to stay another evening. SP made salmon, chicken, and pasta for everyone. NM and I decided to shower so we continued drinking and hurried through a power shower drunk as hell already. The plan was to go to their dive bar and party up after dinner. ZW kind of split on us for a little and we were pretty mu too drunk to really take it personal. We arrived at the bar and as usual NM and I took about 3 hours to leave the car. We finally made it in, and ZW was still not there. And their version of a dive bar was 20 guys to every 1 girl. ZW finally arrives. He blew us off to blow other things. But whatever, we've all got addictions right? ... So bar night comes to an end after a lot of really drunk akwardness and too much personal space invasion, we head back to the house. More drinking and partying, and we got ditched 2 more times. and long story short... Cocaine is an evil drug and it breaks my heart to have seen it yet again first hand how it destroys peoples lives and relationships. The fact of the matter, no matter how much we love ZW, he had made it clear, he will always choose drugs over us. As fun as it was, there were a few red flags that really prepared me for the final scene of our night leaving VB, which we compared to the last scenes of 28 days later.

"you are a wild child that handles herself like a grown ass woman."

We left at 4:30am, SP stepped up and drove, nina and I woke up at 11 in ohio.

I had to pick my best friend up off the ground again. Lift her up and wipe the tears, snot, or vomit from her face. I love that girl more than anything. I want nothing more than for her to be happy and treated right. I'm not going to lie to her or cover up things to benifit a guy. She will do the exact same thing for me. There's someone out there that will love every single thing about her. And vice versa. There's someone out there for everyone.

I'm on spring break. I'm anxious and having trouble sleeping. A lot has happened in the past few days. I am trying to figure out what the hell "me time" is.

I want a puppy.



Ps.
Ill add some pictures to go with this trip description later.

"theres more to life

than love and being together.
you went away cause you said you couldn't love me. I went away because all I do is love you. I don't think that we have to be like this forever."

Your room. The time passed, then heat. Then sweat. Each layer, each wall, each fabric you peeled. Please don't make me another girl. I'm a sucker for you and I can't think straight.

real quick:

"In those situations I always say I'm hard to get and unsure and imply that it takes a lot of conversation to impress me. So they don't try and lip smack me unless I'm hammered and feel bored enough that's me though haha"

best friend advice.

Can I kick it? The days are long and I feel like they are packed... I wonder if they are. I still feel a little empty. Scarily, I'm not sure if I'm just glutonous and can't get enough and will never feel full.

Ok I just work to hard to find the flaw in what's surrounding and at points had me content and my hunger satisfied.

The sun shines. The clouds block the rays. The winds always blowing. Is it the sun I want? That I need? Or is it the moon?

I BETCHA

don't know...

how are you supposed to breathe when you are falling from an airplane?

A. You don't have to, you breathe through your skin.

B. Short, tiny breaths.

C. Long, deep breaths.

"TODAY"

red ink, pink nails, severe anxiety, testing next class, earthquakes this class, head stuck in LA, heart stuck in yesterday, triangulation, looking for the next best thing, thirteen on my side, diamonds on my wrists, mustache on my finger, feather on my ankle, memory on my back, next to the monkey, and the chip on my shoulder, hangover from the love hangover, heart wearing off on my hand, at least its not on my sleeve, hard to read, read to me in bed, sing to me, take pictures of me, memorize me, commit to me, commit me to memories, just let me tell you, baby. (the answer to the question is a.)

SICK OF IT

SO, SO, SO, SO SICK OF IT.

it's not running away. 

it's not ignoring.

it's not bitching.

it's being worth it.

it's being appreciated.

it's being respected.

it's being a friend.

it's meaning what you say.

it's doing what you mean.

all the time.

not part time.

treat me how you want to be treated.

I thought we all knew this by now?

I would love to know

How I could have POSSIBLY slept in this morning and been 30 minutes late for my class...

at least I wasn't splashed by a car driving through a huge puddle like poor RA this morning. :(

As usual I have been having very weird dreams. I dreamt my coat had a hole in the back of it a few days ago and I have been wearing it and remember about the hole and being careful what I do with my arms as to not make it bigger. then last night I remembered it again while it was off of me, and I inspected for the hole to see if it was fixable... and there was no hole at all. I went over all the seams... all the lining, sleeves... everything. Very weird. 

Hoping to see CD this evening... it's been years? We'll see.

Big weekend coming...

I'm not sure if I am ready.

BUT...

I don't really have a choice do I?

LETS GO

"Recurring dreams 

And how I just can't sleep 

Unless I've had a drink or five 

Oh these feelings 

I don't know if you've been there 

I don't think I can go there again 

yeah these feelings 

I don't know if you've been there 

But I don't think I can go there again 

I down this bottle of wine 

I don't know how to feel but 

I don't mind the buzz" 

"I shoulda said five, six, you a fly ass bitch."

"One, two, I'm thinking of you, three, four, your back is sore, five, six, hope you like this, seven, eight, spring is great, nine, ten, I'll make pancakes my friend!"

Lucifer VII is on shuffle on my speaker dock, sliding door wide open, finally getting this project started I've been thinking about for weeks with a nice breeze at my desk.

I really needed something to do with my hands.

I wonder when my neighbors will come pounding on my door to complain about the noise... good thing I can't hear it even if they do.

15 hours

Of my life were just spent sleeping.

The rest of the world was enjoying another warmish day. I have my sliding door open in my room and was lulled in and our of dreams by traffic sounds and the noise of tires driving on wet cement.

Wild dreams all day but I was too tired to write them down.

Maybe it was fajita fest at AG's and smoking lots with him and JT that knocked me out. Whatever it was, I'm not even mad, I must have needed it.

So goodmorning/evening I am going to play volleyball... And probably be awake for the next 3 days.

I'm excited for tomorrow being my last day of my school week, thursday being SIM's show imma merch with my sister maybe NM, birthday fest at smellbow after, friday maybe detroit to SP's for another birthday jam, saturday toronto with SB and KK. Good things.




Austin, TX so soon.

do I have

to spell it out for you?

or scream it in your face?

the chemistry between us could destroy this place.

I got many things accomplished today. 

my back is in raging pain... But ill see a doctor on tuesday finally to figure it out and get me off these pills so I can begin using them recreationally. 

dinner at the blue tractor with JF and DM should put the smile back on my face since i had to stay inside all fucking day on Michigan's surprise nice day.

after that, I have a date with craig's list.

hes like a bone stick.

We are all in a state of constant departure.

Without ever reaching an arrival.

Warm day in february. Defrosts the ice we were slipping on all night. A rough night. Ended up driving to detroit at 5 am with NM. Porky the pig, peach blunts, and a mini vacation.

I'm frusterated. I gave you chances. So many. And each one was trashed worse than the last. I keep saying it will be the last time. It positively has to be now. You know what I'm all about, I layed my cards.

I won't take it to personal.

JC's first show with SIM tonight. Ill be sittin at the merch table. I hope there's a bar.

i forgot

"You know it kills me to see such a pretty girl so tired
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile
Forget all those places that you've never really been
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in
Let your body sink into me, like your favorite memory
Like a line of poetry or a fuckin' fit of honesty
I'll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south
With my old watch on your wrist and my thumbs inside your mouth
Suck on my fingertips until' you kill all my prints
So your boyfriend has no clue of how much I've been touching you
My problem with me is my problem with you
It doesn't take much for me to come unglued
I put my headphones on and hear your favorite songs
And it kills me to know that this won't be one of them
You know it saves me to think even for a little while
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on
Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear
I almost didn't make it, this has been my hardest year
Your job is killing you, faster than a cancer could
So now you're giving up, like they always said you would
You've got that old map out now and you found the farthest town
You hope that if you're lucky this is where you'll settle down
I don't care where you move, I don't care if it's far
All that I ask is that I know where you are
In case our timing is right, in case you need more from me
Than a bit of advice or a tongue full of sympathy."

how long is too long?

How long does it take to build the dam to block this? I told RA it feels like I'm building with jenga blocks instead of mortor, bricks, cement, and glue. Someone, somethings, sometimes, somemoments happen in my normal routine and the blocks get strategically pulled out to the point I'm practically a fountian show, but I'm still standing. Why does the tower fall every day still? Why do I still wonder. Why does this always hurt so bad when I'm all alone? Before I sleep a night of tossing and turning waking up crying. I wish I could stay awake forever. I tried. I'll sleep when my body makes me.

sleeps for when you are tierd?

yeah well, I came home form work, awake for 27 hours, and fell asleep at my kitchen table on my arm. woke up, and I barely remember this, just the pain in my shoulder from sleeping on it, trudged to my room, and fell asleep, lights on, clothes, shoes, and scarf on, on top of my blankets. My phone was going nuts, I seem to have sleep answered a few, and I slept through my class this morning.

after a short message to my professor, waking up J when I cursed realizing the time, and C sleeping on the couch, I decided to put together the large format camera I checked out from my school. it's beautiful. I'm hoping to take some photos of MA's back tattoos, and basically his body suit. It's funny because I'm putting so much thought into it because I only have 4 chances, since I only loaded 4 film holders at school. I hope they turn out great.

I pick up AG from the airport, he's been drinking in NY for the past few days and I assume we will be drinking more upon his return. Good thing I have to work at 8 am tomorrow morning.

BACK IN THE GRIND
gotta make it to spring.
my bones are screaming.

here's to

being in college and pulling all nighters.
nothing like a 5 am shower and being able to catch transformers on tv.
and still not being confident you're prepared for a test.
sleeps for when you're tierd.

best mix from best friend:

RK:

Hey, Hot Stuff,
Can't wait til you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it's soon. You're way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I'm out here waiting.
-Your Future

sister said to a her sister one time:

SJ: I want to forget I ever loved.

AJ: well you can't so you might as well just find bigger and better love. Might take a long time but J wasn't your one shot at happiness. You're beautiful and smart so smart and you have a way of making everyone around you feel special and lucky. It's really sad you and J didn't work out, but you're one of those people meant for great love. you deserve it and you'll find it. Meanwhile I big love you more than ANYTHING and for ALWAYS.

pulled all directions.

Its weird when things just hit you. Things you never thought about all at the same time.

If you would have asked me 5 years ago where I'd be now... I'd have no idea.

But I'm here now... I'm still not sure If I have an idea.

I went to the bar to drop something off and I hadn't planned on staying but I ran into NB. it really hit me that he is leaving for the army. I can't believe it. I've been trying to pretend like it wasn't really going to happen. He's one of my dearest, oldest friends. His mom and aunt were there, and his mom flew in from california and I haven't seen either of them in a long time. His mom since we were taking bong hits and playing n64 in the basement at his aunt's house where he used to live down the street from me. I was a barely senior in high school. I can still see me, his brother and mom fresh in from cali, his aunt and him all sitting laughing, taking pictures and bullshitting. We had gone out to dinner and his mom was sneaking me gingerbread martinis and his aunt was wearing the "I'm not a lonely spinster, I'm a happy lesbian" pin I had bough her to wear. I kept having to stand alone so I wouldn't get my tears noticed. it was really hard. It will be really hard. But I believe in him. I have to.

Standing drunk and alone thinking in flashes and scenes, I noticed how many directions people are trying to pull me. I am too strong to let myself do these things. I know what I want. I can't keep letting myself get walked all over. I don't owe any single person anything but to myself and that's to be happy. I'm sick of crying over people. I'm empathetic and I worry and I care. I'm sick of feeling unappreciated. I'm sick of looking out for their feelings when no ones looking out for mine. before I had gone out I had a break down and cried in the shower and needed to talk to someone who would set me straight last night and thankfully the right person lent me her ear and really said what I needed.

RA: S, J is gone. Its over. It doesn't matter how he remembers you last, hell only remember what he wants. Its completely out of your control.

SJ: I want to believe that I feel like I can't.

RA: Then you're going to keep breaking down. And no one can help you until you help you.

SJ: I don't want to let him go...

RA: Well then expect to keep crying and not having strength and not being happy. I don't mean that bad but its the truth and you're in denial and you know that. People are going to keep telling you the same thing over and over but if you aren't believing it and turning yourself around its all pointless. You are trying to be optimistic about something that will never take place and is dead. Which means your putting your energies into literally nothing. If you don't expand on something that will grow then expect what your doing now to continue.

I need growth. And to be happy alone before I can ever be happy with any man.

I always was happier alone.
I have to find myself again from wherever I lost myself.

I can say this right now, I know this is fact, I have said it before.
it's the whole fact of doing and believing and staying.


I got to see PD while he was back from oregon. In the short time he really supported my plans for moving without even saying it. Just hearing someone else doing exactly what I want to be doing and someone that's happy and making it. I am thrilled for him.

August?
Positivity.


NM: we got this girl. Ne mf day

its sooo cold.

Michigan gets colder every single winter I swear. I don't remember having any problems being cold thrown out in a snowsuit and locked out of my house for hours at a time when I was little.

JC, KT, and I killed 4 hours at the mall waiting to have the fucks at the genius bar to just look at lucifer VI and give me lucifer VII. I hate ipods. but I love luci.

I sat at Brookstone in the massage chair and feet in the massage boots. Forever in one seat and then swapped with KT and switched for another 20 minutes. 2 different associates tried to give us the run down on the equipment, like I have the money for a 500$ foot massager. I made conversation with the stranger next to me and he told me how he comes to sit there in the chairs "regularly."

I bought groceries also for the first time in ages. It was weird. I only bought things I like. and that I could make. I also decided that there should be grocery stores for single people.

Half heads of lettuce.
2 romaine hearts.
Half a melon.
Half siZe of bagles.
One chicken breast.
Mini slabs of ribs.

No one cares of you're buying groceries for one.

excuse me while i puke up jameson and eat disgusting abe's coney.

Did I really stay up all night?
Yes.

"You're okay, you're alive, and we all love you more than anything."

This winter is so hard. Its horrible to see your best friends heartbroken and crying. RB's breakup, SB's dad, my break up, JC's seperations, JC's grandpa passing, my ma going to the hospital, KK's breakup, my sisters breakup, NM's boy beef, HM leaving. But we are all learning together. And I've been low as hell a lot the past few months. But were making it. Were all going to be okay.

R yakkin in the toilet, me and K sitting on the floor drunk and faded talking about how this is so typical, just rotating positions.

"At least one of us isn't crying at this point."

"Hey, if you find your dignity, will you double check for mine? I think mines with yours."



I get it. N I will always get it. And you know.

"Hey come be the meat to our buns! Wait that sounds gross but really me and S want you to be in between us. In a gross way."
And KT "why the FUCK isn't he answering!? Its 11 am there. What is he DOING?"

As soon as I get off work I'm going to sleep forever.

OH (WO)MAN

one of these days I just might die laughing.

my luck turned last night.

it's looking really good...
but turned luck always does, doesn't it.

listen to City Calm Down by Architecture in Helsinki.

and smoke a j and say helsinki.

and wasp.

and moth.

and fructose oven.

and rotunda road.

all nice things.

listen.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

"Which road do I take?" she asked.

"Where do you want to go?" was his response.

"I don't know," Alice answered.

"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

let's

learn to feel again.

8:47 pm // sj- I wish every day that my journal could write back to me. Is it okay to staple pages closed?

8:48pm // ar- okay to staple. not to glue.

8:50 pm // sj- I broke my rule and ripped out some pages. I put them in a box under my bed. they are in the dark next to the faces and the memories I can't read or see in the light anymore.

9:40 // ar- keep them safe. don't throw them away. each page makes you who you are today.

gust.

"I gotta move, 

While the streets ahead are sunny 

Fall in love with some honey. 

Oohh mama, I gotta move. 

I just can't sit still, 

In this small town, 

There's nothin more here I hit the ceiling, 

So in the morning I'll hit the highway. 

Ooohh, I just can't stay 

Its time I broke out into the open, 

You know I'll settle down again some day, 

I need some new land, and form a rock band. 

Oohh, I just can't stay. "

ME.

"I ain't looking to compete with you, beat, or cheat,
or mistreat you, simplify you, classify you, deny, defy,
or crucify you. All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you."

I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
I want people to love me for me.
I don't want to have to watch what I say.
I want you to finish my sentence, instead.
I don't want to worry about you but I like to be worried about.
I want my space, but I want to be smothered with affection.
I want the chase but don't be too hard to get.
I want you to text me when I am thinking about texting you.
I would like you to make plans instead of asking if I wanna.
I like surprises, but not when I have to wait to get them.
if you're out there....
the more I write, the more I think there isn't a single person who could be that good.

?
ergh
I like lots of things...
but you probably aren't one of them.

burn baby burn.

"I'm an adult with adult desires. 

let's compliment each other like forests and fires."

babies.

we scrape nickles and dimes from the bottom of our purses just to get by.

we tip 30% then drive home on empty.

we skip food and buy clothes or weed instead.
we drink paychecks away in the elbow room.

we talk about our hearts till we are blue in the face.

we've seen everyone at their breaking point,

and been next to them to help put them back together.

we want to go together, sing together, and leave together.

we hug goodbye.

we hug hello.

we don't like strangers. unless they are cute.

we all make the same mistakes.

I quit smoking, and suddenly I can pay all my bills now.

but I want to keep smoking.

what else am I going to do on trips in the car to nowhere.

we sleep little because we don't want to miss a thing.

and drink too much coffee just because it keeps our hands warm.

we wait..... for two long.
anything outside of ypsi done together feels like a vacation.

winter blues make friends need to help friends from getting stuck under that avalanche. 
we live for the nights that make us wish we were dead the day after.
we don't drink to forget ex-boyfriends, or we shouldn't,
we drink to remember we have good friends.
this winter is going to end.

I promise.

I promise, babies.

grrr.

my shit list is steadily increasing. but don't worry! you're still number 1.

january ? toronto

I can't decide if this is heaven or hell.
The walls keep closing in and we're running out of space,
but you're pretty cute.

names i like for my future children.

I know I can't wait to have children.
I always have wanted to be a mommy.
I always wished I could talk to animals or even just one kind of animal like a horse whisperer. I seem to have lucked out and and I'm able talk to babies and toddlers. I'm a magnet. When I pick up the kids form daycare, I wait by the toddler playpen and they all crawl across it to reach towards me and smile at me. i love it.

this is me planning ahead: but I've got a lot of time to think about it.

HEATH
miles
max
leo
serena
kennedy
dawson
apolis/apalis
bennet
marshall
ava
sophia
hayden
isabelle
aidan
ethan
madison
olivia

peptalk.

nm: I honestly want to fall in love so many more times before I decide that's it
nm: I want more heartbreak.. I want to know everything I don't want and can't have before I pick the one
nm: You can do this

sj: I know I can, it's so hard to really see that and believe that right now.
nm: You are a brillant human being.
nm: And I thought that about you before, during, and always will even after J.

4 AM RAMBLE

semi-formulated feelings.
unexpressable needs.
jealousy holds love's hand
in a vice-like grip.
every bone broken in seperation.
my hands are broken.
what's left of them are yours to hold.
be gentle though.
I swear I'll intertwine my fingers around yours honestly.
my cameras broken.
or I'd take pictures of my fingerprints so you can put them all over you.

i still don't have my class schedule right.

hallway sitting.

all alone in silence.
screaming in my head.

writhing in my body.
wishing someone could hear me. see me.
body to the cold lenolium.
halls of white everlasting.
twisting & turning.
rat in its maze looking for the prize.
no prize in sight, just failure's scent in the air.

here comes my professor.

cat scratch fever

beware of logic. it is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.

so this is the new year.

"You can't find nothin at all is there was nothin there to start."

"You touch her skin & then you think: yeah she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me."

"I want to be your love
I want to make you cry
And sweep you off your feet
I want to hurt your pride
I want to slap your face
I want to paint your nails
I want to make you scream
I want to braid your hair
I want to kiss your friends
I want to make you laugh
I want to dress the same
I want to defend you
I want to squeeze your thighs
I want to kiss your eyelids
And corrupt your dreams
I want to crash your car
I want to scratch your cheeks
I want to make you sick
I want to sell you out
Want to expose your flaws
I want to steal your things
I want to show you off
I want to tell you lies
I want to write you books
I want to turn you on
I want to make you come
200 times a day
I want to dry your tears
Every time you're sad
I want to be what's happening
I want to be your only friend
I only go all the way
I want to be a beast
I want to make you proud
And play with your head
I want to take you out
Make you feel adored
And buy you everything
I want to hurt you bad
Make you paranoid
And say the sweetest things
I want to help you grow
Until for eternity
I want to be your what's happening."

christmas?

Its cold creeping into my veins.
Its warmth stolen from my extremities.
The white powder isn't intensifying my heart beat. 

No electric jolts. No feelings foreign.
But its everywhere. Everywhere.
Its on my hands.
Its on my face.
Shake to get it off me.
Its on the ground.
Its falling from the sky.
I hate it. I hate it.
Tis the season.

buzz kill.

I've been dying to talk to someone all day,
I'm just not sure if it was you.

it's no different.

"If you're so very entertaining
then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?
i know, 'cus tonight is just like any other night, that's why you're on your own tonight."

it's really over.

i loved you.
whole heartedly.
I swear I'll never come back and delete this no matter how nasty you are to me.

suffocation:

but the tighter we squeeze, the less we have to hold onto.

i write

i sing
i smile
i laugh
i cry
i joke
i dance
i call
i say
i am
i help
i answer
i ask
i look
i do


but
i'm no good at being alone.

all I want is:

cardigans, cocktails, & baked brownie baking with miss nina. we did that around this time last year.

or was it the year before?

why did we ever stop?

snow.

"this was not a faerie tale. 

this was not the movies. 

this was life. 

it hurt more. 

it was excruciating. 

it was excruciatingly beautiful."

pow.

there's commercials in my head.
when the fuck does the sitcom start
I'm already sick of winter and it's barely started.
I need to get out of here.

bare bones

the winter so cold your bones feel like rods of ice ready to crack.

no more fields lit up with green electric sparks that you try to catch & wear them in your hair, the fireflies are dead.

no more sugar sweet sunshine-y days soaking in natural warmth, drinking lemonade, donning sunglasses & a tan.

no more bonfires, wearing a hoodie to fend the weak evening chill, where peoples faces dance in the flickering, spooky, light, luke warm beers clutched in hand, & cameras in the other. midnights followed by adventures in the comfortable air with the windows down, music loud, & mini skirts riding higher than they should.

now big, cold, sparkling glass windows revervberate with drum beats from indoor havens. hidden in layers, skin barely touches, hugs seem impersonal in down, wool, & gortex. 67843278943 pairs of uggs (UGGHHHs / ugglies ) shadow the sun.

this stupid season is a weird, cold, power machine. closes me like a fortress & nothing can open it. its a physical sensation in my chest. a hardening & heaviness, wood planks & metal locks. it frightens me more than anything anyone has ever done to me.

I'm a girl with a mind like a miniature movie theater, & the winters always dark & lonely.

I hate it.

i emailed this to myself last year

mst days, hard drugs, long drives, and tmail.

We couldn't find the volu.me.

Oh no I lost my ciggartes I dint put them in my safe spot. Oh I put thrm in my pocket... My even safer spot.

Talking to aliens.

Bitchin. <3brkr.>

haha i love us.

Life would be perfect if

sweatpants were sexy,

bra's weren't irritating,

clothes could be washed all together,

dating was casual,

you never got wedgies,

cars never broke,

hair never needed trimming,

monday mornings were fun,

waking up early wasn't so hard,

you could trade your clothes in for more than 15% bull shit percent of what you paid for them at plato's closet,
people didn't freak when you crush and snorted pills,

junk food didn't make you fat,

coffee didn't make you have to piss your pants in 5 minutes,

girls didnt cause drama,
weed wasn't so expensive,
you could never eat too much shrooms,

friends never lived far,

plane tickets weren't expensive,

strangers always smiles,

boys werent confusing,

nothing was regrettable ,

garlic didn't make your breath smell so bad,

and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow...

my wish preferences.

on pink cars are good, especially old ones. 

share wishbones. 

pull knotted straw wrappers with friends. 

and stars of course, first stars and shooting stars. 

planes will do if they are the first light in the sky and look like stars. 

wish in tunnels, over bridges, & railroad tracks holding your breath and lifting your feet off the ground. 

wish before you scratch off lottery tickets or pull the lever at the slot machines. 

wish before picking hands held behind backs for hidden surprises. 

before the last second of the sun setting. 

birthday candles. 

baby teeth. 

11:11. if i catch it that is. 

backwards necklaces. 

stray eyelashes. 

silent prayers. 

dreams. 

desires. 

wishes are the most wonderful when they finally come true.

i've GOT to keep wishing.

it's bound to come true sooner or later.

saved this.

" It took me let's see...almost 4 hours today, to stop acting liek a bitch.
 We all know stress is obnoxious and unhealthy...not to mention realllllly fucking annoying. I kinda forgot though that it is always a *choice*
 ...ya, let's not make that mistake again :P
 So anyways, its 7:48 and my nutz is hangin'
 SKINNNY where you at@?!?! :p lol
 [inside of me...MURDER Mix] fucking sick song p.s. and french is sexy
 The sun was out today [thank you]
 Tiesto in like a month with the3 crew [trouble ;)]
 Ummm what else, Tasha is a hottie (someone tell her that :P)
 and I just looked into the sun's eyes...he says what up.
 BE REAL, focus not on the external and have lots and lots of unprotected sex with as many attractive people as you possibly can...it gets you closer to god or whatever you call that. and "Bitch, stay off that blow!!!"
 ;)
 --No Hay Igual"

IZ

JJ - 4AM

$$$$$$$$$$ and cock = coke
Jj and sj = love 4 ever
Cock & jj = hot pleasure with crabs
crabs & jj = pain with lotion to smooth the babies
And if this isn't the funniest text uve gotten...... please, let me know how to improve. Ily.
CHRCK UR VOICEMSIL RIGHT NOW

:D

astrovanstarship: shred hard little waverunner, shred hard.

like, really know you.

I want to get to know people more. real life. real people.
as i type on an internet blog. HA.
look for me.
bringing back the hardy handshake one shake at a time.
I want to meet you.

Got a mouth full of blood.
Don't make promises, kids.
You can't keep them.
Don't grow up to fast, kids.
You can't relive this.
Don't blink, kids.
You can't miss this.

YO

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance I took my nephew to disneyland but instead I drove him to a burnt down building. I said "oh no it looks like disneyland burnt down" he cried but deep down i think he thought it was a good joke."

truth is

you are new and improved but I am one of a kind.

pulled over.

"After the events of last night Im bruised.
 Emotionally.
 Crazy people act like this.
 Maybe I've finally driven myself mad.
 Screaming out every bit of frustration inside my body, and I still don't think it's sunk in yet.
 Brains can do funny things.
 I'm at a loss for everything. My body has been running on auto pilot. Only now it's trying to run double time, to cover a double life. Nothing is okay about that. A girl should be accepted for who she is 150 percent, if you're "in it for the long haul" that is.
 I can't pretend that these things don't bother me. I wont pretend that these things are not a huge part of me. Call it what you want. Childish, immature, stupid, lame...etc. 20 years old means I have a lot of ground to cover, faces to see, places to go, beers to consume, and mistakes to be made. End of story. I will not change who I am to suit anyone else.
 I may be a drunk at times, but I have a good god damn time.
 Momma, remember when I said you'd be there to help me pick up the pieces. I think it's time. Ily."

nm//

new.

sj- have you ever met someone that you know is going to be important?

aj- how do you know they will be important?

sj- im not sure.

aj- from who you had before them.

sj- what if you never want to remember the one before him?
aj- you can't really know where you're going untill you know where you've been.

it is what it is.

when you fall everyone stands.
drunk enough to talk to you now.
and all i can say is:
fuck you.

hey you

meet me here,
come alone,
bring your mouth.