how long is too long?

How long does it take to build the dam to block this? I told RA it feels like I'm building with jenga blocks instead of mortor, bricks, cement, and glue. Someone, somethings, sometimes, somemoments happen in my normal routine and the blocks get strategically pulled out to the point I'm practically a fountian show, but I'm still standing. Why does the tower fall every day still? Why do I still wonder. Why does this always hurt so bad when I'm all alone? Before I sleep a night of tossing and turning waking up crying. I wish I could stay awake forever. I tried. I'll sleep when my body makes me.